Why Aren’t You Wearing a Fan Jacket Yet?!
(A Dramatic Monologue from a Concerned, Slightly Sweaty Bystander)
Let me get this straight…
You know it’s 100°F out.
You know the sun is out here acting like it’s personally offended by your existence.
You know heatstroke is real.
At a certain point, your brain isn’t just cooked
it’s full-on microwaved, pressurized, and ready to explode like leftover lasagna on high power. 💥
And still… you’re choosing not to wear a fan jacket?!
Sir.
Ma’am.
Bestie.
WHY.
Let’s Talk About the Symptoms of NOT Wearing One:
🥵 Dizziness
Otherwise known as “walking in a straight line like a confused duck.”
😵💫 Brain fog
At 3 p.m., you forget your name and think your shovel is your coworker Steve.
🥴 Mood swings
You’re one degree away from yelling at the clouds.
😩 The Sweaty Back Syndrome™
You know it. We know it. The shirt that clings to your spine like a desperate ex.
🔥 Voluntary meltdown
You’ve got fans on your phone, fans in your truck...
but no fans in your jacket? You want to suffer?
But Wait—Let’s Make It Make Even Less Sense:
You wouldn’t run a marathon in a wool sweater, right?
So why are we out here digging, hauling, roofing, mowing, and running around like it’s 1972?
The solution LITERALLY EXISTS.
It’s a jacket. With fans. That blows cool air.
We have breezy shoulders and chilled armpits.
And you’re still out here raw-dogging the sun?
Maybe You Like Suffering?
Maybe you’re into:
- Voluntary dehydration
- Looking like a walking sweat emoji
- Having coworkers say “You good, bro?” 6 times a day
If so… keep doing you.
But if not?
🎯 Let’s Be Real:
The fan jacket is here.
It’s weirdly amazing.
It’s like air conditioning… for your body.
And you’re out of excuses.
Or keep sweating like it’s a personality trait！！
#StayCoolFeelCool
